Re-chronicles

What the H, am I right?  I mean, a whole year since an update?  Even though I swore that I would start updating in short bursts and not make each post an epic one filled with comics, movies, and or witty soliloquys?  Well, F that.

I guess it also is kind of moot, since the purpose of the Chrons were to keep the fam informed of my various nefarious deeds in China, and since I'm sitting in my mom's living room writing this post, I doubt she wonders what I'm up to.  So now that I'm back in the North Carolinic state and not adventuring around parts of China, my life must be boring, right?  YOU BET!

But, I've been reading back-logs (or blogs... awesome, I came up with a new word) of my posts and I like reading them.  So if I make a little post here and there that has a dash of tedium, you - my esteemed viewer - can just freaking deal with it.  There I said it.

So yeah, I'm back in NC.  What of it?  The coming back part wasn't what I expected really.  There were a lot of things that happened in the last 2 freaking days of being in Beijing that made me really doubt my decision to leave.  It made it nearly impossible, and I spent the whole 24 hours or so that I was in the Vancouver airport thinking about everything that happened.  I got home on my birthday.  And even though I was really happy to see everyone, I could have easily just gotten right back on a plane to Beijing.  I even wondered in passing how easy that would be.  A part of me still thinks about just ditching this incredibly lame job search that has reaped so few rewards and just going back to China where they actually want to hire me.  

That said, a part of me wants to stick it out and get a job.  A "real" job, as some might say.  One that might prepare me for the future more than living day-by-day on wages of a foreign teacher.  After all, I'm highly unsure of what kind of Drew I want to be.  Do I want to be teaching and living abroad forever Drew?  Do I want to be steady job and a house Drew?  Hell, I even saw my cousin's tiny baby this weekend and part of me wants to be Papa Drew.  I don't even know!  There are too many parts to reconcile.  

So while I look for jobs in America, (mainly in Washington because I think Seattle is a rad town)I also look in Beijing.  I'm hoping that something will just guide me in a direction, mainly in the guise of a job offer.  But maybe I'll just have to start making a decision my own damned self.  See?  This is where chronicling helps.  It might actually make me realize what I actually want out of life.

So there it is.  I'm home now, I'm looking for jobs left and right.  Learning the meaning of the words "let-down" and "perserverence".  All the while riding this whole election roller-coaster and being totally bummed that I can't afford all the awesome games that are coming out.  I am enjoying being home, but I also miss the sense of community in China.  I never thought I'd hear myself say that seeing as I rarely understood what people said to me.  A big part of that probably has to do with living in a city.  But any sense of community doesn't match up to being with family.  That's something I missed a great deal in Beijing, and it's good to have that back.  

Something wicked this way comes.

First of all, I want to thank you guys for keeping with the blog and checking it from time to time and all. I can't read or comment on my own blog, but I can still post on it. I want to say things to you guys and respond and all, but I can't. I'm considering moving the old e-chron to a site that can be viewed in China, but most major blogging sites are blocked in China (Which is what this update is all about). I'd be endlessly appreciative if some of you guys could e-mail me sometime just a short e-mail so that I have ways of contacting you. Especially Maile and all the guys who still check this site from time to time from the old WoW days. It's drewlink@gmail.com.

Anyway, on to business. Things are going fine here in Beijing. Work keeps getting more interesting and has been adding up quite a bit. It's good work though. Interesting, with lots of variety. Variety is good. I remember working at some other jobs that shan't be named that basically involved 30 minutes of work supplemented with 7 and a half hours of watching Homestar Runner cartoons and reading every bit of trivia about Star Wars from imdb.com, all while trying to dodge the boss as he walked by the office. That got old, quick. I finally feel like I'm doing something that I can actually enjoy, and that might actually look good on a resume. I might even be able to qualify for the 2 years of HR work needed to certify as a PHR guy, which would make me glad that if I choose to continue working in the field, I won't have to take that godforsaken test any time soon.

Life here continues to be interesting as well. As the Olympics draws nearer, hilarious new commercials keep popping up on Chinese TV that show Beijing as a happy place with cars stopping for pedestrians and friendly shopkeepers smiling, utterly delighted by being graced with the presence of neighborhood friendlies. The sky is always blue, with rainbows shining down upon God's green earth, with unicorns frolicking in the streets! Oh what a magical place!

Now, what's weird is that anyone who lives in Beijing knows that this just ain't the case. Cars often *speed up* when they see a pedestrian crossing, even if you have the green light. And shopkeepers tend to scowl at the presence of foreigners (unless you live here, then they think everything you say in Chinese is side-splittingly hilarious). So... these ads don't work for locals.

Ah yes! It must be targeted at people interested in coming to visit! Of course! Except... huh. Well I guess anyone who would be shelling out the dough to come see glorious Beijing would be of the right mind to investigate the place. They might check blogs of people who post about Beijing or whatnot, as I did. When I looked up information back many months ago, guess what I found? Lots of people... *lots*... complaining about traffic, pollution, etc. etc. So, I guess the informed potential visitor might more readily see these posts rather than buy in to the pink-bordered, disneyland advertisements sponsored by Beijing 2008. Hmm...

Well, I guess it would be all fine and dandy, but NOW I wouldn't be able to really show you what I mean! Recently, there has been an all-out cyberwar declared apparently! Youtube is now blocked, so I can't find the commercials so that you may bask in its absurdity, and major search sites are now redirected to the highly censored Baidu website! That in combination with other actual *world-wide* reports on environmental issues (sorry, the link for this site no longer works for me, figures!) and every blog on the internet being blocked, it's very apparent that China will do anything to convince you that Beijing is Candyland. And by the way, the health report I mentioned says that 750,000 premature deaths in China can be linked to the pollution of it's cities. Granted, the report was mainly talking about other cities in China that are *far* worse than Beijing. But the *reason* this report was censored was either because: a) Chinese officials thought the report was already too wordy and bulky, and/or b) these reports would do nothing to inform the populace, it would just cause social unrest. Darn. I didn't look at it that way!

Alright, so maybe I'm peeved that I can no longer watch Star Wars spoofs or video game instructional videos, but all the news about this internet campaign has happened in the *last week*. And it just further validates my conspiracy inspired belief that the repairing of the cables in Taiwan after last year's earthquake was stifled because there was a huge flurry of activity on Baidu and other Chinese sites as a result. GrrrAAH!!

I'm all for Beijing trying to make a good name for itself before the Olympics. I *want* them to do well. I *like* China (mainly the people). Sure, they can be rude. Everything about China is expanding rapidly... almost too rapidly. But why do they have to execute executives almost immediately after being convicted for turning a blind eye on what paints they use for toys? Sure this was bad, but this was a harsh move that makes them look almost barbaric. Why do they have to feel like they need to lie to get people to come here? Why do they have to censor *everything* on the internet and keep people in the dark? Why do they have to block all other websites in order to improve the traffic of their own? The way to compete in business shouldn't be about blocking access to other alternatives. It should be about making *your* alternative the best one! Oh! Guess what else is blocked here? WebMD! W...T...F?!?

Like I said, I do like it here. I like living here. It's neat! The people here are good people! But they have a long way to come to impress the world, I think. And I hate to break it to them, but it won't happen by the time 08/08/08 comes around.

Back in China

Here I am, after a month of relaxation and enjoyment in the US. I ate a whole bunch of stuff while I was there, too. Everything that's sweet in the US is just so much more sweet than anything in China, and as a result I ate them. Ate them all up. I was pleased to find that 3 of the Chinese teachers here commented on how fat I've gotten, and that I can no longer really fit into my pants that I left here.

I can already tell that I've begun to lose what I gained almost instantaneously. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, honestly. This kind of weight fluctuation might upset my homeostasis or something like that.

The time I spent at home was awesome, although I did nothing really while I was there. I just relaxed. It's easy to get lost in a loop of doing nothing around there, which was fine for me. But now that I'm back, I've started to think about why exactly I'm here.

This enters my mind nearly every day. Why am I here? Not, you know, here on this Earth. But literally, here in China? Some days I think it's because of the challenge, some days because I want to experience a vastly different culture, and some days I even think it's because things are often so absolutely absurd here that I can't help but laugh at it... to myself. That's right, sometimes I think I'm in China just to laugh at it. That makes people who come here just to some exotic Asian action seem more justified than me! Ok, maybe not.

I have never settled on one answer, and another thing that I constantly think about is that if I go to an interview, be it job or school, I know they're going to ask something similar. Why did you spend 2 years in China? What am I supposed to say? To find myself? To grow as a human person on this world? Or should I say that I'm impulsive and get bored often of one place to the point where I can't stay there for more than 2 years in a row without getting jittery. I'm sure they'd love to hear that when they ask where do I see myself in 5 years? "I have no freaking clue... um... South Africa? Maybe? Somewhere where this company ain't, I can tell ya that!". Yeah that will look really good.

I just hope that by the time I do interview somewhere, I'll have figured out what the hell I'm doing here. I mean, I think the problem is that there are too many reasons why I'm here. They keep coming to me, and every time I think of one, it's accurate and true. I can only think of a handful of reasons not to be here.

Anyway, classes start tomorrow and it should be exciting. I can't wait to see last year's bunch, and the new lot as well. I'm sure it will be a very interesting year.

Is that the best you got?!

So the sandstorm hit and OH MY GOD!! Look at the pics!!!



BEFORE THIS LONG POST -- I need to let everyone know that I can post in China right now, but I can't freaking comment. If that's not back-asswards, I don't know what is. But thanks for the comments everyone!

Insanity! It was impossible to breate, much less survive. The mere exposure to the harsh climates peels the coloration from your retinas, inducing a piercing blue tint to your eyes much like the spice in "Dune". Mere surgical masks does little to... umm... delay the inevitable... err...

Ok, April Fools. And a day late, no less.

Of course, the images are photoshopped. Not only photoshopped, but done so in an amateurish way that would make my teachers at the Art Institute disown my one year of intensive artistic training. The sandstorm did nothing. As a matter of fact, the next day was beautiful. Clear skies, clouds, you name it. I think I even saw a blue-bird on someone's shoulder. So much for Beijing living up to the hype. Gah!

Speaking of science-fiction, I've been watching Dr. Who. This campy, yet highly entertaining, new romp in old fashioned sci-fi worlds doubles as a metaphor for traveling. Kind of like how Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy did and yes, I'm sure, the original Dr. Who T.V. series. But this one really has a lot of interesting aspects that equates to what I experience while traveling. With the uncertainty, the culture shock, the exploration, and how they handle contact of one of the main characters with her family back home, who neither know where she is, or when she is. The whole premise is based around traveling through time and space to distant... times and spaces.

The whole purpose of traveling in my personal experience has little to nothing to do with "finding yourself" as many people believe it does, and more with just seeing all you can see, and challenging yourself in ways that you simply can't be challenged academically or physically (not that I frequently challenge myself in the latter). Thrusting yourself into a situation of uncertainty and almost total exclusion from anything you're comfortable with or accustomed to. It's the ultimate in uprooting yourself.

In addition to academic challenges, I feel that this is one of the most worthy endeavors that anyone could do. I need to stress "anyone", because it's not just me that I feel this relates to. Sure, I've loved traveling to the point of scary addiction since the whole European Extravaganza back in aught-2, but I think this experience is oft overlooked as being something that "gets in the way of real life". I, of course, profoundly disagree. Seeing how you handle yourself in these situations, and seeing just how much your own behavior differs from those around you (when you're TOTALLY surrounded by it) allows you to be able to be more aware of your abilities and limitations. Which is why, I must say, I'm especially proud of Ma, Pa, and my dearest older brother, Nukie. They ventured to the lands of the Scots and the Brits, and enjoyed it. I have to be honest, it surprised me a little. Even more of a shock, Dad liked Hong Kong. Hong... Kong. Not just a city, a big ol' city. Full of people. And he only managed to embarrass me only about half the time. Shocking.

Oh, but I ramble. This was mainly a post to say that traveling should be done by all. I don't want to here any moaning about, "Oh, but I can't. It would be nice to travel and piss away my life rambling about the globe, but I've got my future to think about." I got news for you, buddy (er... buddies), especially you younger types. The average amount of time an American changes his or her job is 5 times in their lifetime. At some point during those 5 changes, find some time to travel somewhere and experience all the craziness first hand. Just a few months, maybe a year. If you despise it, at least you'll be better off. Unless you get malaria. Which is why you should go prepared. And who knows?! Maybe you'll FIND yourself!

The End is Nigh

Sandstorm expected to hit tonight and tomorrow. If there's truth to this, expect the next update to have post-apocalyptic fun and joy for all. In photo form. God, sometimes I wish I didn't have to work Saturdays...

Life is extremely weird here

There's no compelling reason for the reason the title is what it is for this update, other than it's the truth.

Living in China is so weird. Always. I mean, almost too weird. Everyone here is pretty dang weird. The majority of the time it's the good kind of weird, with a few dashes of annoying weird. But all in all, fun weird. Which is one of the things I was looking for.

I'm not so much learning how to speak, read, or write Chinese in the formal sense at the moment, but I'm rocking out the understanding what people are saying. And that part is the scariest part. While I was in Zhongguancun getting my Wii tinkered with... umm... wow that just came out wrong. The sad part is I'm afraid of being more specific than that, so lets just say it involves the installation of some hardware to make my Wii better... I'm just going to stop saying Wii. Anyway, I was there being slightly impatient because I had a party to get to. I overheard the local proprietor mention something about me hovering over him like a hawk waiting for him to finish. He said, "laowai" alot, which is what I am. I could tell he was using it in the slightly pejorative sense. So I kind of laughed. Then both shopkeeps looked at me wide-eyed, and said in Chinese, "Does he understand Chinese?!". Bwahaha. I just kind of nodded.

Then a couple of days ago while waiting for my ride to school, I heard the security guard outside the apartment mention to a passerby, "Hey, there's that American standing by the gate." Said passerby turner 'round and stared right at me. I just sort of nodded and acknowledged that I was apparently the subject of great fascination. They both laughed at me of course.

Here in China, if you look like a whitey, you will instigate some incredibly odd behaviors. Ranging from stunned bewilderment to steadfast discrimination, it's always a surprise to me the extremes that many people go to when you're in their presence. While it's funny sometimes, I do feel highly uncomfortable most of the time. Heck, I could swear that my discriminates against me sometimes. I'll be waiting patiently on the eighth floor after hitting the button, and the elevator will come up and pass me by to the tenth floor, and then again on it's way back down. No way is it going to have some burger-eating white devil pushing its buttons with its greasy, hairy fingers. Not in a million years.

So I've been debating making some sort of comic about all the strange happenings in China. Because most of it is so surreal that I feel like it can only be best expressed through some sort of comedic medium. I'm just not convinced that: A.) I'm funny enough, B.) I can draw, or C.) I'd actually do it. Time will tell.

Psych!

Whoa! As you may have noticed from the last set of comments, Dr. Hughes and Dr. Pitts commented on my writing! Do you know what this means? They read it! I'm so happy about this, but at the same time I'm going to have to start being more careful with throwing my psychology around with reckless abandon. As a preemptive method to distance myself of any mistakes or flaws in my comments I'd like to go on the record on saying that I write here on a sort of unhindered flow of thoughts. That's why many of my posts may seem (how do I put this?) strange and disjointed.

Now that I feel that I've distanced myself from fault or liability, I may continue! Furthermore, Mariana reads this, so mental note to say one flattering thing about Brazil in my posts.

On that note, I'd like to vent on some issues that I've recently been thinking about.

This semester, we've started having one-on-one teaching sessions with the Chinese TAs here. As some of you may know, when I taught Intro to Psychology at App State, I realized that it is the first real job I've had that I've actually loved. I'm not bashing carpentry, HR guys, technical assistance, Blockbuster, hotel front desks, or Old Navy (well, maybe some of those), but I really felt like I gave my all with teaching. It was like going to class and leading a discussion everyday! So after doing that for two years, I knew that I really liked it. I didn't realize until recently that it's likely what I want to do for the rest of my life (apart from traveling). Once I started these little classes, I immediately went into teacher mode and started presenting the topics we have to talk about. I just feel way more comfortable than, say, appeasing snooty hotel guests with a fake smile plastered on my face.

That said, it's more clear to me that I want to go back and get a PhD now. That was something I was definately struggling with before. I remember many of my professors presented me with the idea of that possible career choice, but I kind of shrugged it off. The idea kind of intimidated me at first.

In China, however, there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in psychology. That is, real psychology. When I mention that I have my masters in psychology here, a lot of people seem to kind of be taken aback by it. I've actually had (Chinese) people my age outright ask me why I chose a field that was basically worthless. Many seem to see psychology and even human resources as a bunch of gobbledygook and hocus-pocus (not their words exactly). It can get a little old, as it has come from quite a few people, but I miss people being ok with it. I miss people thinking it's useful, and not just a bunch of common sense.

Anyway, just a little rant. Not China related exactly. I'll mark it as such.

By the way, I bet Brazil is awesome!

Decisions, decisions.

The time has come in which Ms. Wang and co. are beginning to ask everyone if they're going to stay at Carden or not. This is causing me great strife, thusly I thought, "Where better a place to express such a conundrum that my vary own E-Chronicle webular site?". Indeed, so it shall be doneth.

First I'll start with a long chain of causation leading up to the aforementioned conundrum. It begins with the other school. This school is where I work on Saturdays and sometimes Sundays. This school is no Carden. And I mean that in the most pejorative sense. Schedules are wacky, the head fella is unreliable and kind of invasive, and one teacher said to me today after asking my name again that she almost doesn't bother remembering names any more because teachers leave so often and frequently that she's stopped bothering. All this adds up to lead to a over-generalized conclusion that Carden is a cushy job. Every aspect is better on the Carden side, and that makes me wonder just how much of a roll of the dice getting a job in China is. There in bold lies conundrum number one. I like the China Challenge of living here and such, but is it worth it to keep a job that is irrelevant to my major just for the sake of comfort and predictability? Watch how seamlessly this segues into my next issue.

Ever since I received the psych books from home, I've been perusing them quite a bit. Two things constantly strike me: That I very sorely miss psychology and research related activities (shockingly) and that I am getting rusty. This indicates that if I'm to stay here, I have to find something more relevant to my degree than teaching adorable little children. This can be done, I know it. And there's a possibility that it can be achieved at Carden as well, but I absolutely must do it. Although it pains me to think about leaving the little tykes, I will have to do it. And I will do it, I'm just hoping that whomever takes the reins of the class better not undo all that I've done. Related to this who psych mess...

One day, while being worn out after class, I was rewatching season 7 of Buffy because I loved it that much (I could write an entire e-chron counting the ways I loved it, but that has been done countless times I'm sure). Anyway, as I lay there eating Kit-Kats and drinking super-sweetened green tea, I passed out. I proceeded to have one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had here. In this dream, Xander appeared to me much in the same way Jesus or God has appeared to prophets of the past. Only, it was Xander. From Buffy. Xander told me that I should really stop living like a slovenly bachelor and figure out what I should do next. This motivated me in many ways to get to work on deciding what I'm going to do. Annnd... much less graceful segue to...

If I stay here, I'm going to have to learn to stop breathing.

That's about it for now that I can think of. There are many pros and cons about staying or leaving. I like Carden quite a bit, and the people I work with, and I want to learn the language more than I have. I like Beijing, and I like the challenge associated with living here. But I don't like the weather, pollution, and (above all) the lack of degree-related work.

By the way, if you didn't want to read someone griping about life choices, please don't read the above.